Im trying to live each day to the fullest. It's hard sometimes, you get caught up in the hustle and bustle of everyday life, work, laundry, dinner, keeping Zack entertained, spending time with my hubby.... worrying about paying bills, cleaning the house.... it's soo hard sometimes, but I've realized that life is too short to let one day go bye without stopping and smelling the roses. Since dad passed away almost 5 months there is not a moment in my day that I dont think about him and ask God why did you have to take him from us... I know the reason why he is up in Heaven, I know he's not suffering anymore, and that is a good thing, but I am being selfish I guess for wanting him here with us. Zack and I took a flower to him that said grandpa on it on Saturday. We talked to papa for a little while and Zack tapped me on the shoulder and told me not to be sad or to cry any tears cause papa was up in heaven watching us and he is up there talking and walking like he hasnt done in soo long. So from the eyes of Zack, who always has a smile on his face and a sparkle in his eye I am trying to live everyday to the fullest and to be happy like papa would have wanted us to be.

Each day I try to mentally prepare myself for the upcoming day. I always thank God that I am here, I thank God for my family that is also with me and for those who have gone on to bigger and better things in life. I am thankful for the roof that I have over my head, the clothes I wear and the food that I eat. Sometimes I've sort of secretly wished that I had a bigger house, a better car to drive, able to go on really cool vacations and not have to worry when I want to indulge in a little something for me, which rarely ever happens. I think about what this big new house would look like, what kind of car I would be driving and where our next vacation would be... I think about the cool new clothes or shoes that would be in this big closet of mine.... and in all reality I dont need any of that... Yea my house is small, but it's home, it's our first house we bought together. It's where we brought Zack home from the hospital to. We"ve had so many memories in this house and I'm sure many more to come over the years.. We've had our share of cars too.. it's something that gets you from point A to point B... it's just an object,, and vacations are just more memories to store away in our minds... So I've come to realize that I guess I really am sort of a simple person,,, I dont need a big house, cool car, lavish vacation and clothes to go along with it.....I am who I am and it makes me happy that I have a house, car, clothes and lots of memories to go along with it

Ever feel like you are being pulled and tugged on and you just cant let go? I feel like I can never say no to anyone. I am afraid to hurt someone's feelings, upset them, make them mad at me or worry about what they think of me.... WHY??? I would like to say I am a good person, a good listener, a caring compassionate friend... I always put other people before myself. Why do I do that? Am I that weak that I cant stand up for myself? Am I gullible, is there such a thing as being too caring? I listen to other people's problems, listen to them vent, for them to unload their stresses and problems on me. Maybe I should go back to school and finish my psychology that I started years ago. I love people, and trying to help others out and making them feel better, but when is enough enough??? I stress more about other people's issues, which causes me to get a migraine, but I just cant say enough is enough. One day I would just love for someone to say to me,, Hey Chrissy, how are you doing today, how was your day, did you take any pictures today.... I sometimes wonder if the people who are close to me really know anything about me.... do they know my favorite food, or book, or movie.... know what my dreams are and what inspire me everyday..... I guess one will never know......