Being the mom of a 9 yr old with ADHD is soo rewarding but exhausting at the same time. Before Zack was diagnosed a year ago I thought Zack was just being naughty, couldnt sit still couldnt pay attention for long periods of time... School was awful, dreaded going to pick him up after school to see what he did or didnt do. Now that I am understanding the ins and outs of this ADHD thing I am starting to think that it was sort of a gift from God. It has taught me to have to be more patient and understanding. I cant just blow things out of proportion anymore and fly off the handle because of something Zack did or didnt do. I used to think to myself, why me, why Zack.. but now I tell myself that this ADHD thing has brought us closer together as a family. It has taught us to take a step back and look at the big picture of things, not to snap judgement and yell right away... does it drain me physically and emotionally? Yes it does... but to see Zack's smile on his face, which by the way is there all the time, it makes it soo worth it at the end of the day. Im not going to say this has been easy, but I learn something new about myself as a mom and Zack as my son every single day. I wouldnt change it for the world !!!

Day 2 of not sleeping. This is crazy, tossed and turned, tangled up in the sheets.... So much on my mind that I cant shut down my mind, the wheels up there keep tossing and turning. I know all this worrying that I am doing is only stressing me out more and it's not solving my problems but I cant stop myself. I am trying so hard to stay positive, telling myself that things will work out and it's not going to change anything that I am worried about .... but why do I keep worrying ??? If a complete stranger were to strike up a conversation with me and tell me something about themselves I would eventually worry about them too... Is this a sickness I have? Is this normal? Does it mean that I am a overly caring and sensitive person?

How do you stay positive in a world that is sooo negative? I ask myself this at least 4 or 5 times a day. I know that we all have problems, some are greater than others, and yet most of these problems are out of our hands that we have no control over. But how do you keep your head held high everyday and stay happy? I mean I have a wonderful husband, whom I need to tell more how much I love him and how much he means to me... he's been there for me thru thick and thin... I have an awesome 9 yr old son who always has a smile on his face, except when we are talking about school.... I have a great big family, mom, 2 sisters, 4 brothers, numerous nieces and nephews, sis and bro in laws.... so how is it that sometimes that is just not enough? Is it because of society today always wanting and thinking that we need more? Yea I would like a bigger house, but my house is my home.. I have a job, it stinks getting up at 3:30 am everyday but it is a job and it's helping pay bills... I have wonderful family who mean everything to me, but can I ever truely tell them what is really on my mind without hurting someone's feelings?? I guess I"ll never know the answer to that question so I will have to wake up everyday and be thankful for what I have in my life, who I have in my life and for being alive!!

So this past weekend was all about family... I spent the day with mom. We had a great day and evening, no pressure to do anything, we just sat around and talked, well Zack talked alot !!! It was nice to get our minds off of everyday life stresses and the worries of the rough year that the family has had. Sitting with mom and just talking has made me realize what a tough "cookie" she really is. She raised my middle sister and I all by herself, no help from my biological father, I dont think he deserves to have that title but I am having a moment of respect here... To this day I have never heard her ever complain or ever have any regrets about her life.... She was left to raise the 2 of us with no financial help from anyone, we didnt have a father in life, but looking back now, those were the happiest days of our lives. Mom showed us all the love and support that any child could ever dream of having... We went on walks to the library, to the park, Dairy Queen..... we were always crafting or doing something fun.... I have nothing but happy memories of my childhood and I too hope that when my Zack looks back at his childhood he has the same memories..... I owe all that I am today to my mom.... She is my role model and I hope I can live up to her expectations... I am soo proud of her for being such a strong person.... she's been through alot especially these last few years with dad being sick but she is truely an inspiration to me and in case I havent told her lately I LOVE YOU MOM

So this is day 2 of my attempt to blog everyday.... Ever ask yourself why??? I find myself asking this of myself alot lately, at least a few times a day... As of lately the most recent one has been why did God take Dad away? I mean I know that he suffered soo much and he was in so much pain. I know that his life was not in our hands, that God had some other special plans for Dad. I cant stop thinking about him, it has been 3 months and a week since he left us and I think about him more than I have at any other time... Does that mean that Dad is watching down on me and the rest of the family making sure we are all ok? Does it mean he approves of all 7 of his kids and 14 of his grandkids? Does it mean that he is watching over mom making sure all is well with her?? I miss him soo much it hurts, I hate to see mom sad and Katie sad and the rest of the family... I think the only thing getting me through him not being here is knowing he is not suffering and not in any pain at all... I know he is up in Heaven with his parents and sister and the rest of the family, I know that he is pain free, he is walking and talking like he had not done in soo long,,, My answer to why came to me this evening when I saw the beautiful sunset and I said to myself that is why... That is Dad telling me everything is going to be ok...... Love you Dad

So I figured since I was turning that "magical number " this year that I should try something new.... I have always wanted to write a book, or own a bookstore like in "You've Got Mail" so I thought what a good way to start than by blogging... Not really sure how to do this, since I am not very computer oriented but what the heck no time like the present... I hopefully one day will be very good at this, be able to take a photo or two a day and post them on my blog and maybe even get a few people to follow me... Until that day comes I guess it's me and this blank screen staring back at me...................